So Tuesday, Psych. Missed my last appointment, so it was interesting, actually not really. Just talked about reducing anxiety around Christmas and family and all the screwy politics. As well as sorting someone for me to see while she is on leave. I was like ummm ok, it's only 2 or 3 weeks, but apparently seeing as though this is the first Christmas where I am actually working on this I may freak out a little. Eh whatever. She does help a lot, I think I was just being a bit negative, I blame it on the weather.
Wednesday, doctor. Review of medication. All good, haven't really been super regular in taking it which is bad, but she doesn't have to know that. I should seeing as though it reduces binges... Apparently. I tend to not believe in meds, I consistently like to do things the hard way, but they did definatley make a difference. But I lied my way through, and told her about the program I was going for an intake appointment for, and apparently they are good. I like my doctor, she is nice and doesn't yell at me and just makes sure I am healthy and such. Then she asked if that was all, and I say yes, wanting to get out ASAP and she goes, well there's something I wanted to talk to you about, so I shite myself, oh noes! Turns out it was just the HPV (cervical cancer) vaccine, phew, so I got to have a needle, the nurse wanted me to look away and I didn't want to and she got a little freaked out I am the type to rock up to a blood test and point out where my good veins are. Good times. Love needles, I am so strange.
Thursday, intake assessment at an ED place, which is connected to my psych place, whoa yes confusing. I had to fill in some paperwork before I went, about my "symptoms" and life and blah blah blah. Then I rock up, with my two litre coke zero bottle filled with water, and proceed to freak out in the waiting room. The lady was really nice and young, and we went through my booklets and about the program. It was good. Scary but good. The program starts in late Jan with four weeks of prep group with 3 or 4 other girls with similar symptoms. During this time you start changing behaviours and challenging and such, then there is a review and if they think you are ready, and you want to, you continue, or you can pull out. The you go into 12 individual appointments, at the same time I would have to keep seeing my psych as well as the ED psych, to deal with my other "issues", as well as the fact I will probably feel like shite, and then it goes back into the small group format to deal with relapse prevention etc. Basically they go about changing behaviours first and then working full on on the thought patterns anxiety etc. Oh and I have to get weighed. Shit. It's a form of CBT which I have been doing anyway, but they call it Enhanced CBT, and the rates of success are really good. She was so positive about it, which gives me a bit of confidence in it.
The only problem is my alcohol intake, apparently as you start to change behaviours people start to increase the boozing to deal... I do drink a lot, but hey. I think I'm willing to cut down to actually give this recovery thing a real go. It was scary because I was sitting there thinking I could be over this, or really getting over this in a matter of six months. It sounds like a short time, but I have been working towards this for years. But I suppose it's something I've always held onto, I've cut down a lot on it, but I've always held onto a bit of sickness, to comfort me and so I could now it was there "just in case" This program means I would have to let go, and that is terrifying.
So next week I have another intake appointment, to go really in depth about my ED, then I have my psych directly after, yay doubling up. Then on Thursday I have a dentist appointment, it's been about 8 years since I've been. OHMYGOD. HALP!
Any opinions on treatment, doctors, dentists etc. I haven't had this many appointments since I was hospitalised three and a half ears ago. Scary times.
Oh, and I ate pork last night, don't really do the meat thing, I felt positively terrible. Didn't even have to try to get it up, it was just like hello! Now I just ate a little bit of it cold (like two freaking and need to be sick, stupid decision. When will I learn to not eat things my body cannot handle?